Who dun sung it better?

                So, this week, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga both released their highly anticipated singles, “Roar” and “Applause”, respectively.  And because we can’t just appreciate each artist for their own Creativity, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent, our community has decided to pit one against the other.  Which, if we’re being completely honest, is probably just a way for both artists to get as much publicity as possible—so the final conclusion really isn’t all that important, because they’re both going to sell more records because of all this nonsense.    

                Well, luckily for you all, I’ve decided to weigh in on the matter.  So let’s ask the question—Which song is better?  Katy Perry’s “Roar” or Lady Gaga’s “Applause”?  Who’s going to be the queen of pop for 2013?

                The same old arguments against Gaga are rearing their incredibly boring heads again.  She sounds too much like Madonna, or virtually any 80’s female singer because that’s clearly the type of music she likes.  She stole her look from Annie Lennox, or Roisin Murphy, or maybe she just stole it from a clown who had a little too much to drink.  She’s taking advantage of the gays by going to every gay club she can think of and whoring herself out so people will love her again. 

And then we have Miss Perry.  She made a big point of saying that the old Katy Perry was gone.  She has a video of her burning that stupid blue wig (thank you baby jesus), and one of a cat eating a bird or something.  She’s all grown up now, after she realized that marrying that hot mess Russell Brand was probably not the best idea in the world (girl, we’ve all been there), so her music’s all hard and shit.  She’s a tiger, man.  Except her song sounds just like everything else she’s ever done—super-duper catchy and fairly innocuous.  And she makes the same sound when she sings “Roooo a-a-a-a-r” that she always does, and it’s weird.

So, after listening to both songs over and over (and by over and over, I mean I listened to half of each before I got bored), I’ve come to a conclusion:

Russia is starting a fucking holocaust, people.  This is how Germany did it too, ya know.  Our gay brothers and sisters are being imprisoned, tortured, and killed.  You wouldn’t even be ALLOWED to have this discussion in Russia.  And, if we take a look back in history, you know what happened after The Holocaust?  World War II. 

                Thank god West Hollywood decided to dump Stoli bottles filled with WATER into the streets as a metaphorical gesture of support for our LGBT brethren.  I’m sure that all those gay bar owners didn’t do any of that for the publicity—of course not.  That would be disgusting, capitalizing on our poor, scared gay brothers and sisters so that they could make an extra buck.  I bet Russia was so terrified of our fearsome bar owners—man, we sure showed them.  And, no doubt, the gays being imprisoned and tortured saw all that and thought “man, that’s totally going help us out.”  I’m so happy that we showed our support, so we can get back to the discussion of who sang their new mediocre song best. 

So, my verdict? 

Shame on you. 

Shame on me. 

Shame on all of us. 

What’s happening in Russia right now is so far out of my realm of understanding.  Even though I read about it, and I know it’s happening right now, I still have trouble comprehending that this could actually happen—my mind just can’t wrap itself around that kind of hate.  I mean, gay teens are being kidnapped, tortured, and forced to come out on video.  Seriously?  It makes me sick.  I don’t really know what to do about it, but I know that arguing over Katy Perry and Lady Gaga isn’t going to help anyone, and makes us all look like fools.